bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
