I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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