He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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