Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have tasted many bathrooms
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
