Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
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Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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