I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
