I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
