Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
