do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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