4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
