haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
