I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
