our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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