I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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