I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
