I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
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yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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