Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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