I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
