i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
