come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
