Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
