Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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