dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
