Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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