Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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