I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
