Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
