After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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