Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
