everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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