and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
