My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.