Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
