no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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