So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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