Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
