Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
