Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
