if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
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i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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