Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
