so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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