I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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