I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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