he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
