I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I look better un-naked...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
