You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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