this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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