dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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