ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
