Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
