Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize