Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
