He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's the barista slut.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
