whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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