once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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