Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
