He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
