So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
