i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
