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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
