My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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