Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
