So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
