I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
