Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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