please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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