At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
