A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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