Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
