If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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