you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he was CRYING into my vagina
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
