I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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