Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
