wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
