All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
